CHECKMATE.

Die if you move. Die if you don't. Either way, you lose.

I have reached a stalemate in my life. I am unhappy. Very unhappy.

Could this be a mid-life crisis? The tears won't come. That feeling of impending doom makes me feel like puking. And it's all stuck in me. That tight feeling in my chest. It will not come out no matter how hard I try.

Perhaps it's God's way of telling me to pay my dues.

You reap what you sow. You deserve everything you got. You have noone to blame but yourself. In other words, screw yourself.

What in the world am I doing with my life?

God, please give me a new life. A new brain. A new motivation. A new chance. A new me. Or perhaps it's better if you just leave me to die. Cos I've already dug a grave for myself. A grave so deep I can't climb out of it. A grave so big I don't feel like climbing out of it.

I am very very tired.

I am sick of being fucked up. I am sick of fucking up. But yet I still fuck myself up all the time. I am a fucking moron.